Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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