**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
