The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
