she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
