She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
