His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
