Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
