I've blown a few things in my day
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
