apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
