She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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