My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
