i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
