I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
