i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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