I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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