Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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