This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
