The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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