Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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