dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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