Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
