found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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