omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
