Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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