In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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