i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
