We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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