I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
