Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
