she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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