There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
