Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
