I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
