Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
