Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
