I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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