Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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