I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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