you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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