i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
