I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
