Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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