I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
