So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
