so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You dont lie about slip and slides
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
