How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
