I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
