shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
