I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
