Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
