Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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